Offset

Q: Why are vegans so angry?



This festival was a jawdropping, senses repulsing mix of some of the worst sound my poor little noise holes have ever had the misfortune of ingesting. Our pitch made up the unfortunate third point in the axis of evil, that also included the main stage and the hardcore tent. With the likes of 'Wet Dog' and 'Hang the bastard' vomiting out their vitriolic nonsense, we were truly stuck in a nightmarish crossing of the beams, 'The Vortex of Hate'.


The weather was nice though.




And we were right nextdoor to Dan the juice man (Elephant Juice) from Whitecross Street.




With an initial crew of only five this time round, the pressure was on and time for breaks was limited. Ollie and Harriet easily overcame this problem by sharing meals, lady and the tramp stylee. Who knows what happened when they got to the middle...



This photo is in no way linked to the previous one except to say that making vast numbers of burritos with limited staff takes its toll even on our hardcorest of workers.



So in sumnation. With the exception of Caribou, Mystery Jets and a spackling of other performers, the music was aweful from where I was standing. The people, however, were lovely. All tattooed hipster types, but majoritarily really good sorts. Apart from the filthy thieving bastard who stole our newly aquired wrestling cat. Mexican Pussy was cruely catnapped at around 10:30 on the saturday night. Any information leading to the whereabouts of our beloved family member will be met with surprise, initially and then overwhelming joy and then... well anyway there are seven stages.





A: They aren't really. Just the German ones who were performing in the Hardcore tent and only really their lyrics. They seemed very personable when ordering their dinner.



Pssst!!! see you all at Thames Festival this Saturday and Sunday. Gives you all a chance to show off your favourite burritos to friends and family who might not otherwise get the chance to experience such culinary delights

Festinho

Festinho, in the heart of Bedfordshire, was set up in order to help the poor children of Brazil through the ABC Trust. This is obviously no easy task as there are a shiteload of 'em, however, it is a task that the Luardos essays were willing to lend their able bodies to. Of course we were going to come through for our favela dwelling underprivileged cousins.

Unfortunately there was a pretty hefty spanner thrown in the works on day one and by one of our own. Petrol does not go in a diesel engine Lovell you muppet.



We did manage to get all vehicles and deliveries on site eventually, but were then met with the rather depressing prospect of setting up in the rain.We were eventually rewarded with gloroius sunshine and our very own seating area. Bums on seats and burritos in mouths. Good thing really, we were as isolated as Saddam in his cave.



Although we were the only traders for some distance we managed to keep morale high and prevent ourselves from being swallowed up in a pit of loneliness by massively overstaffing. Ten burritoistas was in no way too many. And with the blooding of four new members (Amy, Brittany, China and Katie) the end of season party is really looking like much less of a sausage-fest (not the kind of festival you want to finish the year off with)



Business was good and we even managed to get some of the kids hooked on our wares. "Get 'em young" as El Numerico likes to say.



Once hooked it was easy to get the kids to work



WASPS!!

Unbelievably there were more of the pesky beasts here than at Standon. I obliterated 64 in two days using a variety of different methods and Tom even designed his own deathbringer, "Whispring Death" was born



Lovell wasn't interested in killing and instead decided to make up for his earlier mishap with a spot of fancy dress tomfoolery. The children had already left at this point so Lovells visible wasp stings couldn't offend.



Tom was not to be outdone. 'Team Porn' was the result. And the Festinho Silver Cup was rightfully awarded to the seem splitting audacity of these beautifully crafted jockey silks. Figure hugging mess.



Walk to the light my pretties there is plenty for everyone in Jesus H-Van.